Rachel Snyder's Journal|
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|Wednesday, April 27th, 2005|
|it's been a long time
Wow, I haven't written in here...well, let's just say I'm surprised they haven't canceled my membership. I still read Sara's entries sometimes and I'm always amazed that she still takes time to write in here. I'm glad you do, Sara...it's a little link to your life which is taking place far away from me.
Quick update: After graduating from William Jewell College last May with a useless degree in "Fine Arts" I immediately began working as a cafe girl at Barnes & Noble. That was my summer job until my aunt offered me a job with her million dollar company as manager of Victorian Trading Company Store and Parlour Tea Room. It has been a job full of endless grown-up responsibilities and snobby rich ladies. I make a lot of money and I'm getting great experience being the "boss" and all. I have liked it at times. The ladies that work for me are absolutely wonderful. BUT...I'm unhappy. I don't enjoy being the one in charge. I'd rather make minor ducats and have someone else tell me what to do. That seems absurd. And that's why I have continued to work there. Every time I verbalize (or put on paper...or computer) the statement made two sentences ago, I realize how ridiculous that is and I talk myself into staying where I am in life.
But now, life will not allow me to stay where I am. My lease is running up and I will soon be moving to Lawrence. I had a meeting with the owners and CFO of the company and realized that I am not cut out for this job. So all the sudden, after being so stable in life, I'm back to where I was a year ago. Looking for a job and a place to live.
So it goes. The life of a young, single woman is adventurous and scary. That's how it should be. And although I am terrified, I'm glad that that is my life.
Peace out for now. Don't know when I'll be back. Perhaps in another transitional period of my life.
|Monday, December 15th, 2003|
I'm sitting here at 1:40 in the morning eating the best bowl of malt-o-meal that was ever made reading old livejournal posts and writing the longest sentences everrrrrr...
It has been a ridiculously long time since I've posted. This has been an amazingly crazy semester. Taking 19 hours...living in a house with 5 other girls...preparing for my senior art show...trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life. Ew...ok, not the best malt-o-meal ever...I just found a lump. I hate lumps in malt-o-meal...and tomato soup. Ok, so life has been a little hectic, but the last few months have been some of the best of my life. I feel as though I've built relationships like crazy and that I've just changed and grown in every area. I think I'm getting closer to wanting to grow up...I guess that's what growing up is. Growing up isn't pretending or forcing yourself to act like an adult, it's actually getting to a point when you want to act like an adult or it at least comes naturally to you.
Crap...the tea is losing its power. I'm getting tired. I had best be off to bed.
|Sunday, September 14th, 2003|
It's been one of those weekends where all these things are hurled into your face and you have to face this reality which you didn't even know existed. I live in this imaginary, perfect world. I assume the best...I avoid the worst. When faced with the worst, I cry...I cry my eyes out like a little baby. Oh, boohoo, he's not perfect. Oh no...she's not flawless. People screw up. I place people on pedestals and then I freak out when they don't live up to the perfect lives I expect of them.
Why am I losing sleep over this? (cause I literally am) It happens...it always will. I'm going to be let down and disappointed...and I'm going to let down others too.
I just want to experience things together...I feel so left out. You have all this stuff...and I, I just have you. And I want you to just have me.
(I realize that won't make sense to most readers)
Enough...I have to make myself sleep.
|Wednesday, September 10th, 2003|
|I need inspiration
"American cool is a paradox we seem destined to live out; it confronts us in childhood and we chase it through adolescence into adulthood and beyond. cool=freedom=democracy=individuality=cap
italism...Cool has no definition. In fact, its total undefinability is what has made 'Am I cool?' the all-consuming question of our times." www.adbusters.org
Ok...there it is. Now, go with it. Post your thoughts. I need focus and ideas. I'm kind of heading toward a "response to the marketing world" type theme for my senior art show. I'm thinking...I'll try to illustrate the absurd, manipulative side of advertising and then also focus on the ignorant, sad response from society.
Hmmm...ok, converse amongst yourselves...
|Thursday, August 28th, 2003|
|Wednesday, August 13th, 2003|
It's so nice to be home. It's great to sleep in a real bed with real blankets. It's great to have a closet and drawers. It's wonderful having a Babo (grandma) to cook real food for me. It's nice to stay up til 3am talking to my mom. It's amazing to have five computers to choose from! I love it that I can spend an entire day in my pajamas working on scrapbooking while watching Pride and Prejudice...and not feel guilty. I feel like I deserve a few lazy days.
Oh, this summer was so amazing. I can't wait to talk to everybody back at school and hear their stories and share mine. I've just learned so much over the past few months.
Things to do:
burn my sleeping bag
visit Mary and Teddy again
call Shannon Bigley
burn my big red bag
call Jewell and force them to allow me into the science gen ed class
finish scrapbooking (yes, yes...i feel so stay-at-home-mother-y)
put all leo's new cds on my computer
call Courtney and check up on the furniture situation
write letters to the camp krem people Current Mood: good
|Wednesday, August 6th, 2003|
So, here I am at camp. Tomorrow is my last full day of working here. I'm getting really really sad. I've made so many amazing friends this summer. Some of them I know I'll keep in touch with, but some of them I'll probably never see again. That hurts my heart. Several of my friends are from Ireland!!! So incredibly far away! *sigh* 'Tis fine. This summer has been incredible. There were moments when I was tired and worn out and sick, but I'm so thankful that I came here this summer and that I stuck with it. Next time I post, I'll probably be back in ol' WashMO! Craziness. I miss home. Current Mood: sad
|Friday, July 18th, 2003|
Hello world! I feel so distant from everyone and everything. I always thought that Jewell was a horrible little bubble which distanced me from the real world, but Camp Krem is even worse! I feel completely isolated from reality. Perhaps I'll feel like that everywhere I go in life!? I don't know...what is the real world? I mean...will I ever actually feel like I am completely submerged in reality? Or will I always be in a little bubble of my own? Perhaps it is not the fault of the place where I am...perhaps it is just me...not trying hard enough to know what's going on outside of where I am. Hmm...dunno.
Anyway, things are going much much better. I was terribly sick and somewhat homesick for a while there...but I'm getting better. I was sick with a cough, fever, pukiness thing for about two weeks. I lost at least 7 pounds because I couldn't eat...and was pretty much miserable. BUT...I'm getting better. I have much more energy and don't feel like sleeping for a month.
Oh! Happy News! Anna is engaged! To Eric. They're getting married next July! I almost cried when I read it. Such a beautiful girl! That also gives me an excuse to go to Germany...which is great. I'm going to start saving money for it now..and I'm going to make Leo save money too, so that we can do a Europe trip together. Cause that'd just be cool.
Also...craziness...Mary and Jamyn had their babies on the same day! And they were both in the hospital debating whether it was my birthday or not. (it was June 18...the day before my birthday) Anyhow, I can't wait to see their beautiful babies! I don't know much about Jamyn's, but Mary's was nearly 9 lbs, lots of black hair, named Theodore Daniel...my Godson. I wish I could have been there. I wish she would have waited a few more hours so that he was born on my birthday! Oh well. I guess that's asking a little too much.
Yes, so, all my friends who are younger than me are getting married and having babies and it's just CRAZINESS! When am I going to get married and have babies? Why are they all doing these things? I just don't understand. I'm not going to be able to get married and have babies for a long, long time. I mean...it's not even possible...or is it? Have I just chosen a slacker boyfriend? ;) Just teasing, Leo...it's not your fault that you're poor and just now starting school...well, maybe it is...but it's ok. ;) Haha...ok, I'll shut up now.
So...how is everyone? I'd love to hear from you! Write me! Call me! Email me! I miss you all. Sorry I've been a slacker with the posting...
102 Brook Lane
Boulder Creek, CA
636-584-3572 Current Mood: accomplished
|Wednesday, July 9th, 2003|
so...life kind of sucks right now. i'm sick, i'm exhausted, i want to go home. i'm just so tired. i want to lay in a bed for a month...then maybe i'd be happy...*sigh* i'm sure things will get better...
|Thursday, June 12th, 2003|
Ok...so, I don't have much time to write. I'd just like to say that this is the most difficult and challenging time I've ever had. Wow...so...yeah, but it is wonderful! I can tell that I am going to learn and grow so much over the next couple of months. I'll go into more depth later. Maybe. ;) I'm half way through my first session! And it's been one of the longest weeks of my life. I barely have time to brush my teeth. I'm just constantly caring for the campers. I wish I had time to write about each of them individually. Maybe later. Ok, well, I hope to hear from people soon! I miss everyone!
|Friday, May 30th, 2003|
For anyone who knows Leo and is interested, here are some of his paintings and drawings. I like the twisty slide myself...Leo's Portfolio
Well, this morning was an exciting time of me getting TOTALLY LOST driving around San Francisco! Well, I wasn't totally lost...I kind of knew where I was, BUT you're not allowed to turn left in this stupid city! EVER!!!!! Ok, maybe sometimes...but never on Market street, which is where I needed to be! It was exciting. I ended up at a couple of bay streets before I made it back to good ol' Haight street. Good times. Now I'm hungry. I'm going to eat. Mmmm....lunch. Current Mood: hungry
|Monday, May 26th, 2003|
Well, it's Sunday. Day 4 in San Francisco. It's been wonderful. Thursday...we got here. They give me this fabulous room to stay in with a wonderful bathtub. Apparently this big beautiful Victorian home used to be a brothel! *Scandel* Friday we went to the beach and walked down by some old bath houses with the waves crashing up onto the rocks. It was glorious. Saturday we walked around the piers and the farmers market. Then later that day, we went on a nature walk type thing with four South Africans. (all of different skin color) They were so much fun! Then they took us to Ghirardelli's. (sp?) Leo rubbed the leg of a 6'5" South African man named Isaac thinking it was mine! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Isaac just looked over at me and we both about died laughing. Leo was still totally clueless about what we were laughing at. It was classic. Today we went to church...and now we're just flossin' it. (I'm doing my ghetto arm thing for Courtney) Ok. I'm going away now. Bye. Current Mood: happy
|Monday, May 19th, 2003|
Well, I'm heading off for California tomorrow! I'm pretty sure this is my mailing information...if not, I'll update you all later.
102 Brook Lane
Boulder Creek, Ca 95006
Everyone should write me! I'll try to write you all too.
|Sunday, May 18th, 2003|
Check out my art portfolio online! Woo-hoo!PORTFOLIO
Did I do that right?
|Saturday, May 3rd, 2003|
I don't listen very well. Well, actually, I do listen well to most people. But there are certain people that I tend to TALK at...I listen to everyone else's problems and then I pour all mine out on one poor innocent person. And that person needs to be able to talk to me too...and not just listen. Wow, 1:00am ramblings...
I use lots of ...dot dot dots... in my posts. I guess it's kind of the way I think. Not whole ideas or sentences...just continuous thoughts all connected together.
I finished my Picasso copy today. I really like it. It's called Two Women At A Bar. He did it during his blue period. I think it's my favorite painting I've ever done.
I had a lot of fun at Ellen's little birthday shindig tonight. Fun people, nice poetry, yummy cake, pretty candles, good times.
Also...I discovered tonight that God really used me to encourage someone without me even knowing about it. That's such an incredible feeling. He had me walk by and talk to someone at the exact right time. She was writing in her journal about how lonely she was and how she wondered if anyone honestly cared about her right as I happened to walk by. I almost didn't see her, but for some reason I turned and saw her and decided to go talk to her and ask her about life. She said I came up to her just as she was writing the sentence "Does anyone REALLY care what's going on with me?" I just thought that was amazing. She said she knew God sent me. I want to always be a tool for Him. Ready and willing to be used at any time...even if I don't realize what I'm doing. Current Mood: amazed
|Saturday, April 26th, 2003|
MERLEFEST ROCKS! If only I didn't have to keep thinking about all the crap I have to do when I return to school. I really don't think I'm going to stress out too badly though. Ellen is influencing me...I really don't care about school as much as I used to. It's silly to get stressed...it's just school! My GPA won't matter THAT much in the future. Besides...what I think is bad...isn't bad. I'm just going to do what I can do.
Anyway, back to Merlefest. Ellen and I saw Ralph Stanley perform. He did O Death...I love that song...and I love his voice. Last night we went and listened to the story tellers tell scary ghost stories. That was really fun. One of the story tellers was a guy I used to listen to as a child on tapes. It brought back a lot of memories. It rained all day yesterday...but today it's beautiful! The sun is out and it's warm and we're surrounded by the nicest, most talented people in the world!
Oh! And we got backstage passes! So we get to go to the special place where we can mingle and eat with the stars. But...bluegrass stars aren't really stars...and that's wonderful. They're just average jo's. Except for Rhonda Vincent. She dresses like a pop star. It's funny.
Ok, well, Ellen is done...so I'd better go. Talk to you all soon! Current Mood: excited
|Monday, April 21st, 2003|
I was standing in line for lunch at the cafeteria today...and I started thinking, "Man, I'm not feeling very friendly or talkative...I hope I don't have to sit by people I don't know very well..." Then Jo walked up and asked me to sit with him...and I thought..."Perfect! He will talk and entertain me the whole time and I won't have to do a thing." Well, then we sat down...and I'm pretty sure God was trying to teach me a lesson because the next thing I know, a girl who was visiting Jewell asked to sit with us along with her mom and aunt. *Sigh* So...I ended up spending the entire lunch time trying to be nice and friendly...and answer questions.
*sigh* (again) It's already been a long day...of course...my day DID start at 4:30 this morning. Hmmm...is school over yet??? Current Mood: sleepy
|Monday, April 14th, 2003|
"God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn't. In this trial He makes us occupy the dock, the witness box, and the bench all at once. He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. His only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down."
C.S.Lewis ~A Grief Observed~